I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
