Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
