Just took my morning after pill in the library
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize