k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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