i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize