dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
