My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
