pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
