Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
