yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
either way he was missing a nipple.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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