if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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