After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
