Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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