but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so let's talk penis.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
