if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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