Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
