This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
