Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
