Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
