we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
jump out the window naked night went bad
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
