if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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