They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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