Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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