I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You're like the curious george of whores
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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