His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
