If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
