Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
