My friends, they love my intelligence
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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