I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
