Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize