capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
