i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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