My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
