But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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