im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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