It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
