he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize