we have pet lesbian snakes
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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