she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
