she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
