It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
