he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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