im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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