my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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