One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
