It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize