Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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