i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
