sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
