can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
