I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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