It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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