make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize