By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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