you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
