the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
