But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
