your parents love me but you hate me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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