I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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