Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
