would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
