My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
