Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
