If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
