You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
